Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Fried Pies and Those Lyin' HGTV Hucks!

Okay so I promised you that I would expose HGTV for the lying, liars, who lie that they really are... so here goes! About 6 months ago... HGTV premiered a show about the Hwy. 127 yard sales. On "said show," the shiny little host and hostess featured a "lady" in Jamestowne TN. who was the sole purveyor of fried pie for the entire "yard-saleing" event. This lady's pies were supposed to melt in your mouth and be so light and flaky that you thought you were dreaming! My best friend saw this "show" and her daily fried pie fantasies began! Everyday she longed for the moment she would taste this southern ambrosia and revel in it's sweet and moist goodness. So the plan was concocted... we would start our yard sale adventure in Jamestowne so that we might first start our trip with a taste of heaven! Of course this was a bit out of our way... but is it not worth the inconvenience? So as our first day of yard sales dawned, we went in search of pies... not just any pies,no... these were the golden chalice, the holy grail of fried pies! Through much traffic, we made our way north on Hwy. 127 to Jamestowne, not a large town mind you, to seek out doughy goodness. Alas we arrived, circling the town square once, twice.... three times! No fried pies anywhere! Finally in a tearful rage (well more tears of laughter, but tears none the less) we decided to stop into City Hall where surely if there were pies to be had, this seat of government would be the pulse of it all! "No," the lady behind the counter said, "there's no fried pie lady here." "But down at my hairdresser's shop there's a little lady who brings some in to sale on Saturday." Saturday! It was Thursday and we had planned to be well into Alabama by Saturday!
"HGTV are liars! We've been dooped!"

Sadness, dejected, weeping and gnashing of teeth! "If I see those HGTV people out here this year, they're getting a piece of my mind," Best Friend said. Another night passes and dreams of being chased by large fried pies with microphones ensues. "No, don't douse me with your chunky apple filling!" Then as another day dawns we move forward, boldly, undaunted by the previous day's events. On to Crossville and hopefully we can forget the empty void in Best Friend's belly. As one mega-tented sale unfolds into another, we turn our minds to bargains instead of pies and lying TV hosts. The Senior Center might be the perfect spot for antiques and crafty things, so we decide to go in. But what did we find? Bargains on antiques? No. Alas, sprawled out in front of the most angelic yet aged face you've ever seen, not chochkees, not nick-nacs, not even bric-a brac... just the most splendidly perfect FRIED PIES you have ever seen! (Que Mormon Tabernacle Choir performing "Hallelujah Chorus" here!) As Best Friend approaches, mouth a-gape, arms akimbo, a single fat tear resting on the rim of her cheek... she quietly utters the phrase, "Fried-Apple-Pies." " I baked these last night," the angel spoke. "I'll take one please...." Best Friend whispered.

I know it looks like we're at McDonald's... and we are... but that's no Mickey D's fried pie... we were there for iced coffee, (because fried pie ain't gluten free ya know?) So, as the day progressed we DID run into the HGTV jokers, twice. But, since Best Friend was hyped up on sugar and fried dough
she was no longer disgruntled! I however was annoyed that every time I'd see a nice pile of Jadeite... there they'd be, all up over it! I even heard one of the little hostesses calling Jadeite "china!" That's no china sister... that's glass... and you need to be schooled... but I'm too busy looking for kettle corn right now to do it! So all's well that ends well and we learned a very important lesson... stay calm, carry on and there's always a fried pie at the end of every rainbow!


  1. Well, I'll be a fried peach pie in Georgia!
    I'm glad ya'll found them pies! It look lishous!

  2. You and your BF need to travel to Sylvatus, VA for Labor Day. And then you'll taste the best fried apple pies ever - and see a lot of booty to boot!!


  3. Enjoyed reading your quest for fried happiness! Although, I have to say that my neighbor, Kassie (right here in Roswell, GA) makes the best homemade apple pie I have ever had the pleasure to put in my mouth. Fried pie lady, beware!

  4. Never heard of a fried pie before. But I have enjoyed McDonalds version. SO yummy. Despite being dooped looks like you had a wonderful time.

  5. Hee-Hee.... So funny.. i can imagine it well!!! :) Ya know, you coulda drove an hour west and i coulda loaded you up with all the yummy fried pies you could ask for!! Apple, Peach, cherry and at least 4 more kinds... and no HGTV huckers here!! :))


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